Sun Kissed Days

Sun Kissed Days

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Colorful Bricks




Mom,
in bed,
I watched how you melted into the
white sheets.
The room was bare except
for monitors instead of art that you loved.
When you opened your eyes,
my heart ached,
the twinkle was gone,
the lines of your face disappeared.
Swollen from your body,
shutting down.
I touched you,
containing my tears.
I opened the album,
attempting to show you pictures
of a journey we took
to Legoland in Billund.
Colorful bricks,
that for a moment brought you a childhood
you never had.
You watched happily your eight year old grandson
lose himself in creating art from imagination.
" mom remember",
I begged,
wanting you to fight to live,
wanting your smile to return.
You nodded your head,
and closed your eyes,
weak,
fragile,
tired.
I held the album,
colorful bricks,
won't bring you back to me.
My soul wept
because it knew that you surrendered.
My soul wept because it knew that I lost you.

62 comments:

  1. So sad. I am thankful I haven't had to face that day yet. Beautiful poem.

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  2. ugh, you put me right there when we lost T's mom...letting her go on....thanks for lightening a bit with legos...the boys love them...

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  3. What a heartbreaking, moving tribute. Thank you for sharing it, Ayala.

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  4. Brian, I am sorry about your MIL. It's devastating. The Legos are great...I smiled your boys love them. My son, Josh, loved them. We had huge structures of them :)

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  5. Thank you, Kristen. I was scanning old pictures of the trip and I remembered these details when I took the album to the hospital and how I wished she would get better, but she didn't.

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  6. This is heartbreaking, yet beautiful and touching. I haven't been in this place yet, either, yet....

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  7. well expressed...



    Aloha from Waikiki;


    Comfort Spiral

    ><}}(°>

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  8. Wonderful tribute, touching write!

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  9. My parents are still around, thank goodness, but I saw my grandparents in this...it touches and it breaks the heart, to read this one through. Potent, oh so potent, in these stirrings from both heart and memory.

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  10. Thank you, Chris. I was writing it and it all came back to me. I felt like I could not breathe.

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  11. you poured your grief into this... how hard it is to lose those we love. i look forward to a day when death is no more...

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  12. This is thick with grief. It's hard to love a loved one and harder still to let go once they're gone. Thanks for sharing, Ayala.

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  13. Ayala, this brought tears to my eyes. So sensitive and full of understanding of the dying process.

    On a lighter note, I love to come to your blog and see your dog who reminds me of my Golden mix, my soul mate, who I lost a few years back. Always warms my heart.

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  14. Oh, heartbreaking. How moving, heartfelt.

    so close to the bone....it resonates deeply.

    Thank you.

    Lady Nyo

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  15. Harder to be on the outside looking in, I think, than the person going through it who has finally surrendered. If only Legos could rebuild a life. A poem full of soul--thank you for sharing it.

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  16. ♥ Truly a Heartfelt tribute. Writing is so cathartic. This one hits close to home for me...
    Its good to share.

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  17. Such bravery - to expose this piece of your soul and share this very personal moment. So tender.

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  18. it touched me so. i hope you are better today.

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  19. Leslie, it is so hard and I hope that day comes when death is no more. Thank you.

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  20. Thank you, Belinda. It is hard to let go and I don't think I can.

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  21. Thank you, Victoria. I appreciate it.
    I am sorry about your loss and I am happy that Daisy makes you smile.

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  22. Thank you, Hedgewitch. If legos could only rebuild a life or make things better ....I have nice memories of spending that vacation with my mom and my son.

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  23. Thank you, Helena. How sweet of you to say....

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  24. Thank you, Adrienne. I appreciate you saying that.

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  25. Thank you, Oceangirl. On most days I am better.

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  26. I have not been there, so I can only imagine through your words how difficult it must have been and still is. Peace and love to you :)

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  27. I lost my mother 2 days before her 56th birthday, it was such a surprise. She collapsed from a brain anuerism *sp. She was my best friend and the last words I said to her were "I love you mum" She squeezed my hand in response.
    I lost my soul mate and life partner in 2005 but, you do come to realise, they haven't truly left us. We may no longer see them in front of us but, as our love for them hasn't died, their love for us hasn't died either and, we carry it always, in our hearts.
    Everything happens the way that it happens for a reason and, if her body was tired, she was pleased you allowed her the freedom to go.
    This is a lovely, heartfelt tribute. And yes, the lego was a touching addition to alleviate your obvious pain.

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  28. Thank you, Lori. What a sweet comment.

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  29. Dear Daydreamer,
    I am so sorry for your devastating losses.
    To lose your mom and your soul mate.
    You are right, we do carry their love always and they will always be with us.
    xo

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  30. This is such a heartfelt and touching write. Brings back memories of when I lost my dad.
    Even though our loved ones are gone, they continue to live in our hearts and it's those memories that bring us comfort when we're feeling sad.

    I'm so sorry for your loss, Ayala.
    May you have brighter days ahead.

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  31. I'm so very sorry for your loss, Ayala. This is very touching--I can feel your pain, but your love too. May it bring you comfort.

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  32. This has so much love in it. It's beautiful.

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  33. Oh so sorry. How hard that must have been. I lost my mom at 14, but she died in a car accident. I'm sure it was hard to see your mom go. I know I will forever have an empty little spot in my heart for my mom.

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  34. Well written cathartic poem. Condolences.

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  35. oh ayala - i could feel that ...hugs your way..

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  36. Thank you, Andy.
    She will always be in my heart,true,thanks.

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  37. CM, how sad to lose your mom so young, I am so sorry for your loss. Thank you,for your kind words.
    She is watching over you, I am sure.

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  38. Thanks, Claudia. I appreciate it.

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  39. Oh, Ayala, I'm so sorry. The memories get older, but the emotion never fades. Hugs.

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  40. seeing the title, I wasn't expecting the poem that came after. this piece was very, very moving. Those first four lines,
    "Mom,
    in bed,
    I watched how you melted into the
    white sheets."

    --You had my heart there. Thanks for sharing this piece. I know it can't have been easy to write.

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  41. This broke my heart. Literally I could feel your grief through the words. I am so sorry friend. Hugs and much xoxo to you. Thinking of you.

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  42. That is so heart-breakingly sad, and so beautifully woven from golden threads of love.

    Maybe one day I'll get to Lego Land. I was only about 10 miles from there in 2005. One day.

    xoxo

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  43. Heartbreaking is the right word and beautiful. I lost someone special yesterday. When I saw a recent photo I could see the life draining. There's no way to stop it when it's happening.

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  44. Thank you, Stacia. The grief never goes away....

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  45. Thank you, Joanna. It wasn't easy to write and ever since I have it's been haunting me....

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  46. Thank you, Jannie.
    it was an amazing place.
    xoxo

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  47. Thank you, Lauren. I am so sorry for your loss. It is so hard. Sending you good wishes.

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  48. ohh u are making me cry dear lady ... my ma is 73 now and i live in constant fear ... i can't think of life without her..... very emotional and beautiful poem as usual.

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  49. Thank you, Baishali. I know how you feel, I used to be so scared that my parents would pass and then they did....it's been a tough.

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